Overcoming worries about asking for help

The biggest barrier to asking for help is feelings of shame. But, if you are able to get past this barrier, people will want to help you.

Asking for help from people who care about you and want to support you can be really helpful in a time of need. It can also be a great way to build up your social support network, which is something we all need when we're going through tough times.

HelpPay's research into Attitudes Towards Helping found the most common feelings associated leading up to asking for help were stress and shame from finding oneself in the position of needing help. 

However the same research also found that people, such as family and friends, who are able to help do so more than 81% of the time, and when they do the number one most reported feeling, more than 3x greater than any other feeling was one of happiness. In short, people want to help the people they care about.

"People want to help the people they care about"

When people were asked how they felt about being asked to help they said they were concerned (in a good way), happy and honore to help. When asked if people expected everyone to pay all their bills all the time, the majority indicated they did not, with most people saying it is normal not to be able to do so.

Asking for help can feel daunting, and some people choose not to do it, reporting being too proud to do so.

It is hard to ask for help when you need it, we often imagine that the response we would receive from friends, family and colleagues will be negative and judgmental, however HelpPay's research has found that isn't the care.

People often don't ask for help because they feel like they should be able to do everything on their own, but the downside to this attitude is that people can find themselves much worse off, for far longer, than if they had asked for help earlier.

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

Henry De Bracton once wrote "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" and in particular when it comes to help, he is absolutely correct. The anxiety and stress caused by not being able to pay bills on time, and the many follow-up letters, text messages, and phone calls asking when you will pay the bill, can be overwhelming.

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. There really is no shame in asking for help. We all need a helping hand from time to time, and it's important to know that you're not alone.

Often people don't ask for help because they are afraid of what others might think or say about them. They may also be afraid that by asking for help, they will be seen as incapable or incompetent.

In reality, the opposite is true: by asking for help when you need it, you show others how strong and capable you are. You prove that you have the courage to admit when something is too big for you to handle on your own and the humility to accept that there are things in life that we just can't do on our own

So, how do you ask for help in a way that is likely to get a yes?

1. What help do you need. The first step is to determine what help you need and who may be able to help you. When it comes to short term help for everyday bills, such as a phone bill, an electricity bill or broadband, people may not always have the full amount to give you, but even if a few family members and friends can chip in to chip away at the total amount it can be incredibly helpful to getting the bill paid.

2. Ask in person. Asking in person, or at least via a phone or video call. There is nothing more personal and no better way to facilitate a conversation about what help is needed and why than doing so face to face. 

Sending messages via text or a chat app isn't personal and when received out of the blue has little context.

3. Be clear. The best way to let someone know you need help is to know yourself exactly what you are asking for and why. Remember, people want to help. What they really need to know is what kind of help and when the help is needed.

4.Make it personal. Allow the person you're asking for help from to ask questions and give honest answers. Remember that while they want to help, being asked for help is something they haven't been thinking about until you've talked to them. They may need a bit of time to understand the situation, not necessarily because they are being particularly nosey, but because they want to ensure they provide the help you need. 

5. Trust is important. When people provide help they want to know that what they're giving is going to solve the problem and, in particular for financial help, that the money will make it to the intended destination. It also needs to be easy to provide the financial help so people aren't confused about how to help you, when to help you, how much is owed, and to which company / bill. Being clear with the person you're asking for help from and offering ways to provide evidence can go a long way to give people the reassurance that their help will reach its intended destination. 

Conclusion

When asking for help make sure to be clear about what you need help with and for, make it personal by meeting someone and talking about it face to face if you can. A phone call with as much time as needed is the next best option. Be truthful when answering any questions the person you're asking for help might have and make sure you're truthful about why you need help. By following the 5 steps above when asking for help you are much more likely to receive a yes.

About HelpPay

HelpPay is a 100% Australian owned company focused on making helping easier.

HelpPay's app is free for anyone to download and the HelpPay Promise ensures that money received to be paid towards a bill only ever goes to pay that bill.

Best of all the HelpPay app keeps a track of how much has been paid so when the full amount owed has been paid it stops accepting payments, providing peace of mind that bills can't be overpaid.

Download the HelpPay app from the Apple Store or Google Play Store for free, today.