Credit card statement that uncovered husband’s horrific true motives

Media Coverage Dated: 19 May 2022

When Jenn* noticed thousands of dollars of debt being racked up on her credit card, it confirmed her worst fears.

The transaction history revealed how her husband of eight years — who is also the father of her three children — only saw her as a living, moving “dollar sign”, using her money to buy everything from a $10,000 fishing boat to $7000 in hunting equipment.

Meanwhile, Jenn wasn’t allowed to buy a coffee every day at work.

For their entire marriage he leeched off her while he remained largely unemployable.

Then, after years of coercive control and jealous outbursts, Jenn’s husband crossed yet another line, physically and sexually assaulting her, prompting her to end their relationship.

The case is still before the courts.

But heartbreakingly, the Melbourne mum-of-three soon discovered that the abuse was far from over, with debts in her name mounting and money disappearing by the day, even now, years later.

Jenn is sharing her story because it is currently Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month and the federal election is looming, with advocates calling out political candidates for their “deafening silence” when it comes to this issue.

One in six women and one in 16 men in Australia have experienced violence by an intimate partner since the age of 15, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.

On average, in Australia, at least one woman dies every week at the hands of her partner.

Eighteen women and 18 children have died from domestic and family violence so far in 2022.

Jenn fell in love with her now ex in a whirlwind romance that saw her engaged within a few weeks of meeting him.

“I met my ex-partner overseas when I was in quite a high earning potential bracket and I disclosed that information quite early on,” she said. “That was seen as an opportunity.”

He convinced her they could only be together if they became husband and wife which would then allow him to get a visa to come to Australia.

“The prospective marriage visa takes a while and you have nine months to get married. I became pregnant in those nine months,” she recalled.

Suddenly it seemed difficult to turn back and soon he had bought a one-way ticket to Australia, bringing just $500 with him.

“I explicitly remember the second day he arrived in the country, he took me across the road to the bank and said ‘put me on your bank account’.

“The bank manager said ‘this doesn’t normally happen’. He [my ex] forced him to do it, he said ‘we’re engaged to be married’.

“I was extremely naive and totally under the spell.”

Jenn’s former husband found other ways to milk her of her money.

“He was very unemployable, not able to retain employment just based on personality type,” she said, adding that he had several violent outbursts with bosses that got him fired.

What little money he did earn he would keep in a separate account and he would then use their joint account to splash out on whatever lavish items he wanted.

Meanwhile, Jenn wasn’t even allowed to buy new clothes.

“People at work were raising their eyebrows,” she said, as she would tell them how her husband would grow angry if she bought a cup of coffee or spent money on parking.

“He bought the clothes and told me what to wear,” she added.

Over the course of their “miserable” nearly decade-long marriage he slowly but surely isolated her.

“He was very coercive and controlling, making sure I deleted contacts of men I knew, ex boyfriends, standing over and watching me do that,” she explained.

“I couldn’t be friends with male colleagues. If I were to spend time with a man, there was a lot of silent treatment [and] jealous rages.”

After years of build up, it finally reached a crunch point where he physically and sexually assaulted her, causing her to flee with her young children. But the nightmare didn’t end there.

Even after cutting ties with her abuser, Jenn soon she realised she was in the worst possible situation, describing herself as “financially desperate” and “drowning”.

“You struggle to come up for air,” she added.

She pointed out that what seemed a loving gesture at the beginning of their relationship was actually “red flags” in hindsight; “the car and credit card being in your name, that’s not a gift”.

Her ex spent thousands on the credit card before she cottoned on and cancelled it.

Debts started to mount and to top it off, her former husband has to date not paid a cent in child support.

He even took money out of their children’s savings account.

In the last few months of their relationship, her ex finally became an Australian citizen and he seized the opportunity by immediately “forcing” her to sign a house contract which made him a joint homeowner of the property.

“It set him up in a good position, the fact he was a joint mortgage holder,” she explained.

He now continually draws down on the mortgage and doesn’t contribute at all to paying off the house.

Money sent by friends or family meant for her sometimes made its way into the joint account where it would quickly disappear thanks to her partner.

Jenn says a huge help to her finances was an Australian fintech start-up called HelpPay.

The payment app, launched in December, allows survivors of domestic violence to ask family and friends for financial help that is then paid directly towards their bills, like the rent or electricity, rather than hitting their bank account first.

Jenn came across the app on social media and immediately saw its potential.

“You know it [HelpPay] is safe, he can’t take money out of it, it’s definitely safer than the mortgage,” she said.

The company has several thousand users, many of them family violence victims, and nearly $500,000 worth of bills has been paid through the app so far.

HelpPay Co-Founder Andrew Ellett said: “We’re deeply moved by Jenn’s bravery in telling her story. What’s even more upsetting is that it‘s all too common.

“Research indicates that financial abuse is prevalent in about 90 per cent of domestic violence cases.”

In February, a report from the Commonwealth Bank estimated financial abuse cost Australia $10.9 billion annually for its 600,000 victims.

Fiona Guthrie, the CEO of Financial Counselling Australia, told news.com.au that nearly half her clients are affected by family violence.

The two most common types of economic exploitation she comes across is the abuser draining all the money from their spouse, like in Jenn’s case, or rendering their partner financially depedendent by forcing them out of work usually to raise children, making it near impossible for the victim to leave the relationship.

“The scary thing about this form of family violence is that it often continues long after a relationship finishes,” Ms Guthrie said.

“Not having access to your own money, that’s a quite well known red flag,” she explained.

“There’s nothing the matter with having joint bank accounts, a lot of people do that, but not having access to any of your own money at all even in a healthy relationship, it’s something to put in place right from the word go.”

Andrew Ellett co-founded HelpPay, an app that domestic violence victims are using to help them get back on their feet.

Being given an allowance that is closely monitored, criticising the way money is spent, not having access to a phone or a vehicle, and your partner damaging, destroying or selling property and refusing to pay child support are other common forms of economic abuse.

“The person [meant to be] paying child support won’t put their tax returns in, it results in overpayment of child support for the woman, she ends up with the debt, it’s a deliberate strategy,” she added.

Help is available for people in these situations, she emphasized.

“We will talk to the creditors [of financial abuse victims], sometimes debts may be waived, we will talk to women trying to re-establish themselves financially,” she said.

“Sometimes we try to split loans and get hardship arrangements.”

Creditors are usually sympathetic if the situation is explained, she added.

Allan Ball, director of domestic violence prevention organisation White Ribbon Australia, told news.com.au: “We know that economic abuse is a weapon that some men choose to use.

“It’s a common experience for women experiencing abuse by men.

“If you think you’re being financially controlled or abused, ring 1800RESPECT” — a national family violence help hotline.

On Tuesday this week, a historic Fair Work ruling means that 10 days of paid domestic violence leave is now available for 2.6 million workers across the country.

It comes just days before the federal election, with family violence activist Rosie Batty calling out campaigners earlier this month for their “deafening silence”.

Ms Batty was expecting the issue to have factored in a little more of each party’s policies in the lead-up to this weekend’s federal election.

“I have to say that when I tune into the news and hear snapshots about what is happening on the campaign trail, I have heard very little about women and the priority that needs to be placed on this issue,” she said earlier this month.

“Violence is preventable [and] we must have a concentrated investment that recognises that this is a key priority.”

See the original article here: news.com.au: Credit card statement that uncovered husband’s horrific true motives 

Media Contact 

Alexander Liddington-Cox 

E: alex@mediadistillery.com.au 

M: 0474 701 469 

About HelpPay

HelpPay, a 100% Australian owned company, is a new social fintech and business platform with patent pending technology in the payments industry that takes the stigma out of asking for help and the effort of providing help. HelpPay turns every bill into a shareable link and payment page, and, uniquely, guarantees financial help given towards a bill only goes to the provider.

HelpPay has undertaken market research to address the pain points for customers and providers when handling debt. HelpPay takes all the pain points and customers' experience in the cycle of asking, giving and getting financial help today. HelpPay is also significantly cheaper for providers when managing their accounts receivable and less stressful for customers than traditional methods such as phone calls, sending letters and using debt collection agencies.